A Step by Step Guide on How to Never Stop Being Sad

Buy cheap coffee but

Don’t drink it too fast.

Let the warmth radiate

To your hands, and slowly fade away

Watch the steam rise from the top

Like a subway car full of regretful smokers

Force yourself to drink the

Cold and bitter remains.

Lay on the floor every night

staring at the ceiling

Put on your favorite song.

The one that reminds you

Of a party you went to

That one time when people

Still remembered your face.

Go on drives for hours to

Different neighborhoods and

Watch children play baseball

And couples go on dates

Watch dogs chase each other

In the park

And the old man giving bread

To the pigeons.

Sit on the bus and have a

Conversation with a stranger

Who smells like rosewater

Who fosters children because she

Was never able to have them on her own.

Do not collect contact information

Instead remember their face in

Snapshots marred by whiskey and

Late night talks.

Go on a walk and step in gum

Hold back hypothetical tears as you think

“It only ever happens to me.”

“I am worthless.”

Even if you tried to cry, you don’t

Know if anything would come out.

You somehow miss the mornings

Where you would wake up with tears in your eyes

And go to bed the same.

Always remind yourself that the

Graveyard has no vacancy and that

It is better to be lonely for the rest of your life

Than not have a rest of your life.

That’s what everyone promised

So you might as well listen.

Nobody said it would be easy

But they said it would be worth it.

Take a cold shower and

Try to feel something other than

Self inflicted heartache and insults

Try to feel what you used to feel

Back before everything melted into

A vast obscurity.

Have a conversation with yourself

As you stare emptily into the

Foggy mirror.

Notice everything wrong with

Your stupid face.

Flip yourself off to remind yourself

That you are nothing. Not even

Worthy of your own respect.

Remember every single time

That you let someone down.

And take a vow of silence

Because there is a reason to all of this

And maybe it doesn’t involve you.

Maybe you should just be quiet.

No one likes you unless you’re drinking anyways.

Grab your watercolors and paint on

The walls of your bedroom

Watch as the paint runs down

And the picture so clear in your head

Becomes a watery mess.

Feel ashamed because you’ll

Never be an artist

And will never be able to

Translate how you're feeling

Into something beautiful.

Feel the noise in your head

You so desperately want to silence.

You can no longer discern their commands.

You know you are obsessive-compulsive

But not even a doctors word can convince

You to rebel against the demons

Demons probably sitting by a fireplace boiling tea.

With their long black nails bobbing the bag

In hot water, as they discuss

What they can do next, barely looking up from the

Books that they are reading.

You wish you could rip your skin off

To let it out.

Let the energy leave your brain like

A hot air balloon.

To send those demons back to hell.

You would do anything to

Feel again. Feel

Something that made sense.

Never stop moving

And never lift your head to

See where you’re going.

Walk for miles and avoid hitting cracks and stumbling.

Buy more cheap coffee. Board another bus.

Be anything but present in the present.

Take a back seat, and relax.

Watch as you lose your meaning and

Your purpose

You have become nothing.

Just a cicada casing on the sidewalk.

Just an empty bottle that

Will remain neglected until it shatters.

You can’t change your mind

It’s all too fucked now anyways.

Find love in secondhand jackets

And leather-bound notebooks.

Find love in the subway grates

And the hot static air that hits you

As the train goes by.

Find love in each pigeon that flies

Over your head

And busking dreamers.

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This project was inspired by "How to never Stop Being Sad"- Dandelion Hands